URGENT: Public Health Warning For Zenkimchi Readers: Death Burger On Sale Now
I am not one to sound the alarm unless disorider, destruction and death is imminent – but in this case I fear it is. As you will know, I am one damned tough cookie, but just one hour ago I was reduced to snivelling, mewling and weeping like a pouffe.
“What!” you cry. “What could possibly have been behind this demolition of your manhood?”
The culprit was a new product available at (ahem) Burger King: The “Angry Whopper.” This was advertized as spicey, but seriously – how spicey could an American fast food product be?
The answer is in: Murderously. A few seconds after biting into this innocuous looking snack, a hellish, sulphurous smoke began to curl up to the roof of my mouth. Then it detonated deep in my gut: Napalm.
No joke – this is THE hottest damned thing I have eaten in Korea. Ever. The only thing that outranks it in my culinary experience is a lamb phaal which I unwisely endured in a curry house during my student days.
After finishing my meal, I was not only agonized, I was also astounded – this is BURGER KING for God’s sake! I seriously wonder if the staff of the Jongno Gu-chong branch mistakenly added ten times the amount of spice this new product is supposed to carry…?
If a child ate one – instant death.
A wimp would last perhaps five minutes.
Korean raw green pepper connnoisseurs may (I say advisedly: “may”) survive.
Needless to say, this x-rated death burger carries my highest recommendation: the only time in my life I have recommended a fast food product.
(Note: If you are planning to sample it,suggest the following precaution: Place a roll of toilet paper and a tube of haemhorroid salve in your refrigerator 24 hours in advance of your meal.)
